Heard that song "Batameez Dil"? That songs really reflects my attitude. I like to trod on the untrodden.
In part to be classified as 'cool' and in part to explore the other side of things. I end up being called 'Chuppa Rustum' for doing the unexpected. To defy the conventional custom or norm in culture has always given me satisfaction. Being raised with my twin, I was always touted as the 'mischievous twin'; lead all the pranks and menace while my twin obediently followed my instructions. Going against the tide was restricted to cultural domain only ; wish could had been more courageous in different domains.
I am reminded if this trait when I skip Taraweeh in Ramadan. Although my not praying Taraweeh stems from apathy and not from ignorance or rebelliousness. I am no scholar or hold authority to issue 'fatwa' nor I want people to get judgmental about it either. Discussion of "pray 20 or 8 Taraweeh" , "which taraweeh is the quick one" and packaged with fund-raising and Islamic talks disturbs me and what is more worrisome is when people consider skipping Taraweeh tantamount to skipping a fard (obligatory) namaz.
For me praying Taraweeh in congregation is akin to mechanical drone following the lmam from one posture to another for an hour plus. It can be made self-entertaining when mind wanders and hatches thoughts or can be an ordeal affair if standing next to a burp gun.
Devoting oneself to religious act for self-realization, self-improvement and inner-peace should be the ultimate goal of a religious act; with out it - you are simply wasting your time. Since Taraweeh is an optional prayer, it has the same reward when prayed in solitary - but that it is to laborious to recite 16 or 40 (depend on 8 or 20 taraweeh) different Surahs when you can simply stand behind the imam and boast about your religious commitment.
Having said that, 10 days of Ramadan has passed, with time totally a constraint - hope to do whatever religious act or remembrance I can with pure intent and dedication. After all, it is having heart at the right place :)
I completely agree with the ending..it's all about having the heart in the right place.. however it is equally important to realize what the right place is.. the most basic belief as a Muslim and the literal meaning of a Muslim is to submit your will to Allah.. to become a slave ... hence, while self improvement and inner peace may be positive results of our worship they are not the primary goal.. it is constant striving towards pleasing Allah .. simple ... whether that is in congregation .. or in solitude.. via 20 or 8 tarawee.. how much effort we put in depends on our willingness and ability .. no judgements needed.. we have tht day coming anyways :)
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